The AmazaGames
by radio-dammit
Summary: Welcome, District Melve, to the Seventy-fourth annual AmazaGames. Featuring a Miss Watchiss Meverleen with a fantastic cowboy-boot getup, a mister Cheetah Rellark naked in a bumper car, and a Mrs. Meverleen doing the macarena in seven whole languages! Kind of. You've been warned. A weird parody-ish thing by Vampilla and this guy.
1. Chapter 1

When I wake up, the other side of my bed is cold. It usually is, though, when my electric blanket isn't working. Or maybe it's that my servant isn't in my bed. That's weird, she usually is. Maybe she wet the bed or something again.

Sigh.

I get out of my bed, and get dressed into my favourite turtleneck sweater with a reindeer design on it, and blue jeans. I just love the Christmas season, don't you? There's just one thing wrong: The AmazaGames.

You see, the AmazaGames are this game show that is terrible. The Tilapitol, the crazy town that controls all of the Districts that are conveniently put in a circle around it, loves the AmazaGames. But everybody in my District, District Melve, know that they are terrible. The show makes teenagers sing, dance, act, cook, compete in physical challenges, and show their talent above all else. And if they don't win, they get humiliated on live television.

Horrible, really.

I go outside to be with my friend Male. We always meet in the suburbs out of the city of District Melve. Together, we try to raise money for our families, because we're both super poor. Actually, don't tell Male this, but I'm really rich.

We do dance and singing routines for people on the street.

He's waiting on the corner we usually preform on, with the boombox that my father left me when he died in a shoe store accident.

"Happy Reaping Day!" He says, taking a swig out of a bottle. He always says his bottle is full of tea, but I know it's beer. I wish he'd let me have some, but ooooh noooo, he says I don't need to be an alcoholic. He tells me I'm too young.

He isn't old enough to drink, either.

"Ready?" I say, taking my red and purple striped hat off and putting on my red cowboy boots.

Male presses a button on the boombox, and we start our routine. Nobody gives us money, like usual, but I still love dancing and singing. It's the last thing that my father taught me before he died.

After our routine, I am out of breath. "I hope you don't get picked." I tell him, putting my hat back on.

"I think both of us could survive the AmazaGames, we have talent." He says, ruffling my hat.

"Are you sure? I can't imagine having to be in front of all those people." I say sheepishly.

"We'd just imagine we were on our street. How different can it be, really?" Male asks, rubbing his chin. He's drunk. He always is by the end of our routine, because he drinks too much of his "tea".

When I arrive back home, everybody is up and about. My servant, Trim, who's only twelve and thinks she's a really good writer, much like her best friend Corbin, is all dressed in a pink tutu and bright purple button down. Her blond hair is in a really high ponytail, and she looks nervous. It's her first Reaping this year.

"MOM! I NEED SOMETHING TO WEAR!" I scream, walking through the door and taking off my hat again.

My mother comes into the room holding a white flower-girl type dress and a flower crown. I squeal and run towards it. My mother drops it on the floor and starts to do the hokey-pokey.

She's been like this ever since Dad got crushed by all those shoes.

"Trim, get her." I say with a wave of my hand. Stupid mom always ruins everything. I remember one time I brought my boyfriend home, and he got all freaked out. So what if every part of his body was either covered in tattoos or piercings? I liked him.

I get dressed in the clothes, and curl my hair until I have a bunch of ringlets on the very top of my head. "TRIM!" I scream, even though my servant is right next to me. She covers her ears. "WE'RE LEAVING!"

My servant nods, and follows me out the door.

As I stride down the streets of District Twelve, everybody stares at me. Of course they do, I'm Watchiss Meverleen. Everybody loves me. Well, really, they're staring at Trim, because she's so pretty, but I guess I'm guilty by association. Well.

When we get to the Reaping, everybody is staring at what I'm wearing. I always set the new fashions, and everybody is always really jealous. I spot Male in the crowd, drinking a whole lot of "tea". He always does this on Reaping Days. Nobody in my District wants to be reaped, because it is pretty much the worst thing that could happen to anybody. People from my District never ever win because nobody in our town has any talent. We are all just boring coal miners who can't really do anything but sit down, complain about our stiff backs, and look ugly.

"Welcome to the 74th AmazaGames!" Our escort from the Tilapitol, Pleffie Mrinket, says to us all. We are probably supposed to clap, but none of us do. The AmazaGames are too terrible.

Being from the Tilapitol, she is wearing the weirdest fashions. Pleffie's hair is dyed bright pink. Actually, it's pretty obvious that it's a wig. Most people from the Tilapitol over the age of 10 are bald, so they wear wigs.

The other person on the stage is our AmazaGames mentor, a past Victor named Lame-mitch. He isn't very lame though, in a suit with a dark purple tie, slicked back black hair, and a British accent.

"This year," announces Pleffie, "The theme will be talent! As you know, every year we have a theme, and last year it was underwater, and we got some… er…. Unpleasant results. Our 73rd Victor is Miss Renee Mickey from District 4, because she was the only… tribute who could… stay afloat. ANYWAYS, this year it's talent, and we want to see our lucky boy and girl from this District showing off their best talents!"

It's obviously a lie. The Tilapitol wants us to embarrass ourselves.

"For our girl tribute…" Pleffie pulls a name out of the bowl of girl's names. "Trimnose Meverleen!"

That's my servant! She can't go to the AmazaGames, then who will take care of her so she can take care of my mother and me? There's only one solution.

"I volunteer!" I shout, waving my hands in the air like I just don't care.

"Come on up then!" The escort shouts back, waving back to me. I run up to the stage.

"Name?" Pleffie asks.

"Watchiss Meverleen." I say with my head held high. I feel like crying, and spot Male in the crowd. He sticks his tongue out at me then passes out.

Greeeeat.

"That's, like, so cool!" Pleffie shouts at me. I roll my eyes. She moves to the bowl with the boys. "Cheetah Rellark!"

A blond boy comes up to stand beside me. I know him, he's that kid that threw some burned bread at me when we were eleven.

I hate that kid.  
>"Let's hear it!" Pleffie shouts. I don't know what she wants to hear, but it's silent. "Dammit." She mutters as we all walk away.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay guys, so there's something up with my dear friend Vampilla, who is supposed to be co-writing this story with me. She apparently won't be back for a long time, which means that we can't cowrite this story anymore. Luckily, before her accident, she pmed me her chapter, so I can publish that now, and I can write the third chapter myself. But, there's a problem. I have three other stories going on currently, and don't know if I can continue this on my own. I may just keep writing it by myself, or if any of my readers would like to continue this story with me, that would be nice. Just pm me if you're interested with that, and I may or may not agree to it.  
>So, without further ado, here's the second chapter. I have to warn you, though, it isn't edited or anything, because she just sent me her very rough draft, but she still put author's notes in it. Cute, right?<strong>

_Okay hey everyone, I'm Vampie and radio-dammit and I are co-writing this story, so I guess it's my turn to write a chapter huh? Well thank you for reading rainbow fluff bunnies and I'll see you at the end!_

_I remember the first time I met Cheetah, he's a total jerk._

_It was a sunny day, common for here in District Twelve. Since I'm the only one who ever does anything in my family I was standing out on the street trying to sell some of my old sweaters that didn't fit just right anymore. I mean I love all my sweaters but these were just a little out of style, you know? Sometimes the cat designs just aren't cool anymore._

_This one old lady offered me a ham sandwich, in exchange for one of my sweaters. But I hate ham so I said no. Who wants a friggin' stale sandwich that's been camping in someone's purse for half a decade?_

_Anyway back to my story. Since I didn't get anything good out of my sweater trade I decide to walk a little farther down the cobblestone street cause I don't wanna go home and have to hear Mom sing jingle bells in three different languages._

_A small building catches my eye. It's painted completely rainbow, with little fish decorating the vibrant sides. Bakery! Flashes in neon green letters on the front. Since shiny things and lots of colors always make things cool I stride closer to the shop. Big glass windows with tons of food beam back at me._

_I peer in to see the rows and rows of brightly colored cupcakes, glancing up I notice there's no one at the counter inside. What the hell? I'm hungry and they have like twenty in there anyways. I bet they could spare one._

_I walk into the tiny store, miniature bells jingling when the door swings open. Quickly I pick up one of the pink ones (pink's my favorite color) and start to leave, I consider getting a cupcake for Trimnose too, but then I decide not to. She is my servant, plus she has this fat little pig named Gentleman. If she's really that hungry she could just eat him._

_Out of the corner of my eye I see this old bat running at me with a tennis racket, her large blue eyes look a little bloodshot._

_"HOLY GUACAMOLE!" I scream and wrap my hands around the door handle and push. The door doesn't budge and the creep is getting closer so I push again. Why won't it open? I begin to shove on the stupid thing but it still remains closed._

_"No good little girl! What are you thinking stealing from me?" the woman screeches and swings her racket, I hop away just as the tip brushes me. Damn old lady can hit hard._

_Then this blonde boy leaps out from behind the counter, he's holding some loaves of scorched bread. I've seen him around town sometimes, he thinks he's a good actor and does little mini plays on the street corner by Male's and mine. He sucks._

_"I've got this Mom!" he yells and then starts ripping burnt little pieces and chucks them at me._

_I run towards the door again, finally seeing the little shiny sticker that says PULL. They should really fix that, it's so small nobody could even see it. Do they really expect people to know which one it is, push and pull are not the same thing, am I right?_

_I wrench the door open and stumble out of the stupid store, sprinting back home. Only halfway down the road is when I realize that I'm still clutching the little pink cupcake. I pull away the frilly paper and gulp it down, licking the frosting from my fingers. Heh, I ripped them off._

_The next day at school I saw Cheetah, he growled at me then said I have a duck face. In my school picture last year I made that one with my lips all like that, I wonder how he remembered. Now that I think about it, he probably burnt that bread so he could throw it at me._

_I can't wait to demolish him in the AmazaGames._

_Okay that's my chapter, lame as ever I know but what the hell right? Come back next time!_

**Again, I might just put this story on hiatus after chapter three, or if somebody else wants to cowrite that would be okay… **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, it's radio-dammit again. We are now going to just cowrite me and Vampie again, since she's back. Yay! Now, try to last through chapter three without shouting "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID"**

The Cheesekeepers usher me into a plush room in the Hoostice Building. The room is dim and lovely, with stone walls and some weird metal bars on one side of the room. Huh, that's weird.

Trimnose immediately rushes in and sits at my feet, grinning at me.

"Watchiss, thanks so much for volunteering, so, you know, I don't have to deal with you anymore." She says, smiling. She stares at my mother, afraid that she'll get hit, but my mom is too busy playing air guitar.

Ugh.

"TRIMNOSE!" I shout angrily. "Don't make me sing!"

Trimnose scurries out the door, closely followed by my mother, who grabs her air guitar on the way out. However, she forgets to unplug it from the air amp, so she trips over it on the way out.

My mother rolls out the door while singing songs from the broadway musical "Wicked."

Next, Male comes in to the room.

"Watchiss." He says, holding up a giant sign that says "AWWWWWWW".

The live audience behind us makes a large "AWWWWWWWWWWWWW" noise.

"Hello, Male." I say to him, with my nose in the air.

He leaves. Oh well.

Next, this idiot girl Padge comes into the room.  
>"You wanna see something?" she asks, giggling.<p>

"Okay." I reply, rolling my eyes.

She pulls it out.

"OMG!" I squeal.

"You can touch it if you want." Padge offers.

I feel it. "It's so… hard!" I say happily.

"I know."

"And so… big!"

"Yep."

"So long.."

"Uh huh."

"Can I have it?"

"Of course!" She hands me the thing.

"I don't know if I can have it all day…" I'm unsure.

"I think you can. It leaves me satisfied."

"Alright, thanks!" I say, pinning the suckingjay pin on my shirt.

Padge leaves.

Then, Cheeta's dad comes into the room.

He hands me a bag.

Then leaves.

Seriously, he turns into a pile of leaves.

I look into the package. Cookies? Is he trying to fatten my beautiful supermodel composure?

I stomp on the leaves, then rake them out of the room. That'll teach him.

They don't have that satisfying crunch though, that makes me so annoyed.

Immediatey, some Cheesekeepers come into my room to take me to the rocket we'll take to the Tilapitol.

**Sorry it's so short, I had nothing else to say.**


	4. Chapter 4

Okay so I'm back (this is the part where you all cheer) nobody? Okay... So, throughout this chapter try to find all the memes. Memes FTW :D

Vampie

Pleffie Mrinket decided she would sit next to me and yammer in my ear about her ex-boyfriend "Oh my god! Look, Watchiss! A double rainbow!" Pleffie yells and points out the window.

Sigh.

The rocket is really cool though, but the seats make your butt itch. A random girl comes in and puts one cup in front of Pleffie and I then just walks away. Da fuq?

Suddenly, a wild Lame-Mitch appears through the doorway. "There's a bathtub in the back of the rocket." He says with his sexy British accent. "Yay!" I shout, and go take a bath. I like taking baths, but it sucks without any rubber duckies. I have the sudden urge to break out into song. I better get my voice trained for the AmazaGames, anyways.

"Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you! Never gonna make you cry! Never gonna say goodbye! Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!" I sing, loudly. "Shut up!" Cheetah screams. "Honey badger don't care!" I scream back.

I finish with my bath and meet everyone in the middle of the rocket. "Watchiss, Lame-Mitch bit my finger!" Pleffie sobs. I ignore her. We all sit down and begin eating cereal. My favorite is Fruit Loops, but Cheetah laughs and says that's for babies. I lick his elbow when he's not looking. But, he doesn't feel it because nobody can. Heh heh heh.

While we're finishing our cereal Pleffie takes out a picture of a little nerdy boy and shows me it. I take a bite of cereal and laugh. "He's never gonna have a girlfriend." I say. "That's Lame-Mitch." Pleffie responds. I spit out all my cereal. "You don't say?" Cheetah asks, but I can tell he's trying to be a smart-ass. "Haters gonna hate." I reply. "You mad, brah?" Cheetah scoffs. I think I'll lick his elbows again when he's sleeping tonight.

"Boxxy, Boxxy, Boxxy!" I randomly scream in anger. Vampilla is running out of creativity for squeezing these in, I think.

I look out the window to see tons of shiny lights. "Is this the Tialpitol?" I ask Pleffie. "No, this is Sparta." She responds. I think she does drugs.

"Lame-Mitch, how did you win The AmazaGames?" Cheetah asks. "Well on the first eve of the Games I took an arrow to the knee." Lame-Mitch responds. I tune out as he keeps on talking about how he saved orphans from a burning building, or something stupid like that. "Cool story, bro." I grumble. Nobody hears me though. Sob. Forever alone.

"Let's play a game!" Lame-Mitch announces. "No! You just made me loose!" I scream and storm out of the room


	5. Chapter 5

"MY NAME IS DINNA!" A shout comes from my left. I look towards the dark cave that suddenly opened up in the side of the room, curious.

I sigh. This day has already been weird enough, with three invisible auras licking me until I'm perfect, and wrapping me in a thousand types of lettuce.

It wasn't unpleasant, per say, just weird. So now I'm not that surprised with this giant hole in the wall and a deep echoey voice.

Suddenly, a man jumps out of the cave, striking a karate pose. I suppose this is Dinna, the one who just yelled "MY NAME IS DINNA".

He has blond hair that reaches his ankles and golden eyes with green eyeliner.

He looks so beautiful it almost hurts.

"You are so beautiful it almost hurts!" I yell at him.

He looks at me with a strange emotion on his face. Like, lust or something.

"You love me, don't you?" I yell at him again.

"Um, no, I was thinking that you look really weird naked…" he mutters, flipping his long hair over one of his hips. It appears that every inch of his clothing is made out of leather, studs, or denim. And it's all bright pink.

Sooo hot.

There's an awkward silence for a couple minutes before he speaks again.

"I _have_ your _outfit_ for the _bumper car rides."_

So he's one of those people that puts emphasis random words. Great. But he's still so sexy so whatever.

Oh no, I forgot about the bumper car rides. Every district has a certain outfit and bumper car and we all have a giant game on national TV that's like the precursor to the AmazaGames.

"I don't even know how to drive a bumper car!" I shout, putting my head in my hands.

"Ehhhhh. They're pretty self-explanatory." Dinna replies, shrugging. "NOW WHO WANTS SOME DINNA?"

"MEEEE!" I scream, tackling him.

He pushes me off with some struggle and manages to take his hair out of my mouth. "Um, I meant dinna. Like, eating dinna. Ya'll know what I mean, Laquisha Shaniqua?"

What?

"Oh, sorry. I'm not… Okay. Whatever. Let's get dressed." He says, lighting me on fire.

"Um." I say, looking down on the flames that encase my entire body.

"Oops. I forgot the fake fire. And the outfit." Dinna says, extinguishing the flames and handing me a black cat costume. "Now that I think about it, the fire doesn't have anything to do with shoes. That's the last time I count on my mother to create the outfits," He says, leading me over to a closet. "Open it!"

I open the closet door, and a torrential downpour of shoes falls on me.

I scream. "THAT'S HOW MY DAD DIED YOU IDIOT!"

But Dinna isn't listening. He's too busy hot-gluing shoes all over my black leotard, tail, and cat ears. I really want to make him stop when he starts gluing shoes to my face and legs, but I remember when Lame-mitch told me to let my stylist do whatever they wanted to me. Cheetah got all freaked out and started crying, but then Lame-Mitch slapped him and told him that stylists were terrifying when they got angry. So, I decided to not say anything.

Eventually, I was completely covered in shoes except for my eyes. Gross.

Dinna leads me by my shoe-covered hand to the hallway, where we meet up with Cheetah. He has on a fake moustache.

"Cheetah?" I ask, looking at him sideways.

"Shh!" he hisses, putting a finger to his lips. "My name is Pierre NOTCHEETAHWHATAREYOUTALKINGA BOUT if anyone asks."

"Um, why?" I try to raise an eyebrow, but my face is too covered with shoes to do anything visible.  
>"My stylist, Porsche, is insane." He whines. "She wanted to light me on fire."<br>"Um, funny story…" I say, raising a shoe covered hand to my shoe covered hair, saying no more.

"My invisible team wanted to lick me with their tongues."

"Um, funny story…" Also, what else would you lick someone with? Silly Cheetah.

"I don't care what Lame-Mitch said. I'll go to the bumper car rides naked if I have to." Cheetah says defiantly.

"Um, okay."

"District Leleven looking fine… And now we have District Melve.. Wait, what?"

The announcers are pretty baffled. In our coal black bumper car with flame designs (for no reason, by the way. Why the hell would you put flame designs? We don't specialize in, like, coal or something), there's me, covered in shoes from head to toe, and Cheetah, naked with a fake moustache.

"I don't know about you, Bob, but I think Cheetah's a little…"

"Undersized?"

"That's the word I was looking for."

"IT'S JUST SCARED! IT SHRINKS WHEN IT'S FRIGHTENED!" Cheetah shouts to the announcers.

"Yeah, suuuuuure." They say in unison.

I sink as low as I possibly can in the bumper car as District Wwo with its tiny boy and supermodel girl named Plato and Stove ram into us yet again, and more shoes fall off my body onto the floor.


End file.
